this is the place where i am comfortable enough to share my inner thoughts. not a whole lot of ppl know who i am here, some friends, and they are great ones. I’m comfortable here, that’s why.
Facebook gets populated, twitter has too much noise even with its 140 character cap, and ppl that i am not that close with starts following my Path and it gets annoying. i just want somewhere which i do not care so much, where i can be in my own sanctuary penning down how i really really feel.
it’s been almost 6 months since we’ve talked. they say time changes everything, but they didn’t clarify if it is for the better, or worse. i have no idea myself. though it doesn’t hurt as bad as before, but when you still think about a person every single night before you settle yourself to bed, and every reverie with a sigh, it means something. this something is intangible, it has weight, you feel it, but you can’t see it.
I’ve been telling myself to assess the blame where it belongs, and i know its with me all these while. i know i wouldn’t be able to get pass this, and i hate myself for making decisions when I’m angry. when you really lost someone, you do no just lose that person. you are inviting yourself to etch good memories about them that pains you with every thought, and everyday will be a harsh reminder to you probing the very actions you undertook.
when you find a soulmate, never give up on them. they are possibly the only ones that would stand by you for the rest of my life. but not in this case though, as so i’ve wished for it to be. perhaps the emotional baggage that came with me was too large, perhaps i was trying too hard. no. I’m sure it wasn’t all those. it was because i said i am too tired to try, and that was it, a simple yet painful sentence that ended everything.
‘i gotta go.’ was the last i’ve heard.
its really something to know someone so well, and end up being complete strangers all over again. i know i do not have any regrets in my life, ever. but this one, its gotta stay and remind me how sometimes you can try so hard, to end up losing it all. but it doesn’t mean you stop trying.
i’ll keep on going. and till today, ‘How’ve you been?’ will continue to stay in my drafts folder until the day i seek closure. i will not be expecting anything else, it will not lead to disappointments. it will be considered as a chapter close.
i can never say enough; I’m sorry.
